I ordered two black formal dresses from the interwebs. I ordered the dresses because I literally went to every store there is in my town and couldn’t find a black dress.
I was interested in a black dress, knee length, lined, sleeveless, straight, no ruffles, no lace, no sparkles and no pleats. I am a 46-year-old woman. I have curves. I know what looks good on me and I wanted a simple black dress. I add a sweater or blazer and my own necklace. Outfit done. I know this type of dress exists because I’ve bought three in a row.
When it gets old I replace it. Boring, I know. But guess what? Mark Zukerberg wears the same thing every day. So did Steve Jobs. Deciding what to wear every day is my nemesis. I have a uniform with a few variations and I’m good to go. The Captains of Industry do it so their genius brains aren’t wasting time on clothes. They go with a grey T-shirt and BOOM they’re ready to invent entire world-changing industries.
Same with me. I wear the dress and go to work. No futzing means I can sleep a little more and then spend the rest of the day on genius-level stuff. Truth be told, I have four jobs at my day job and two jobs at home. I’m talking jobs, not family stuff. I’m not saying this for sympathy, I’m just saying it so you know that to keep my head on straight and get stuff done I can’t freaking worry about which blouse and which skirt.
SO I do the dress. Which was why I was on the mission, and as I said, there were none to be found. So that’s when I did it. I ordered two of them online. Overnight shipping means my boring but functional wardrobe will be complete by close of business tomorrow. But here’s the problem: I ordered from one of the sites that tracks me. And so now, every place I visit online, ads pop up with that same black dress.
There’s a picture of the dress on my screen at all times. It’s staring me in the face. I see it enough ON my person and now it’s on Facebook, IMDb, Amazon, anywhere I browse! I am starting to regret my purchase.
You think the Internet would be happy. I used it to buy a dress and even did the overnight shipping. But no, the dress won’t stop stalking me. The dress I couldn’t find anywhere is now everywhere. I think it has become self-aware.
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